A narcoleptic, insecure, sad, cold. Eza, 19.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

April, why are you leaving me?

Hello. Let's start with the light one. Well, since I've post about the Twidioms, I've won the competition for upper forms. Alhamdulillah, at last all my effort is worth it. I didn't expect that I'm gonna win as they were many competitors but I'm truly happy that I'm the chosen one. 



So this is the prize that I got. Thanks to Cikgu Reen for considering me as a winner. Oh yeah, she make me choose the prize. There's two left when I collect which is necklace and this bracelet. Since I'm not interested in that necklace so I chose the bracelet. It's quite pretty tho.

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So, today is 30th of April. Meaning today is the last day of April. I just wish that April won't leave me but at the same time all I want is April to leave me because I've been trough a lot. I'm not gonna say that I'll be all okay when it comes to May. I just hope that I won't do the same mistake again. I know all the wrong doings comes from me. I'm over thinking, yep I know and I shouldn't do to someone that don't deserve this. I've learned a lot. Everyday Allah gives me the strength to keep holding on no matter how hurt am I. I just have to stay, and don't give up. Allah knows the best. Well, I'm still new to this situations and of course I screw people up. As you know, I don't want this neither. I hate this feeling keep on haunting me. I want to get rid of it, but I know I can't. Oh yes, all I can do is just smile. Allah gives me the strength to make me forgive people when they hurt me, and He gives me the strength to say sorry to the people that I've hurt. I know, I didn't even say sorry to my girls, it's not because that I'm egoist or what. But I don't have any guts. But if you guys read this, sorry for what I've done. 

Note to my girls.
"Hey guys, I just wanna say sorry. I knw I shouldn't say like this but as you guys know I'm truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. I'm hurting myself, and I know I'm hurting you guys too. But people will always change, and maybe if I do change, I'm sorry. I didn't have any intentions to make you guys mad. I'm just sad cause I'm not being able to make you guys happy. Sorry. And I know you guys should be wondering that I didn't appreciate every single thing that you guys did for me. Frankly, I truly appreciate it but I just can't express it. I'm sorry. I'm trying to make things right. I'm still trying right now. Please hold on your breath. I'm trying to find the old me. I'm still searching. Now, and forever. Sorry for making things getting worse. Sorry."

I learned a lot. Really. Thank you to those who always got my back. Edrialissa, thank you for comforting me. Thank you for being there when I don't have anyone to tell. To Alia, thank you to you too. You really helped me a lot. You tried to make things right even tho it's not your problem. And since we just had our first argument, thnk you for forgiving me. Believe me, whoever who told you that I'm trying to put the blame on you, I want you to know that that person is wrong. I never do that, I swear, never. I appreciate every single supportive words that you gave me. Thank you. And sorry if I treat you like shit. Please don't be mad, I know you love me. Don't you? To Edzureen, thank you. Thank you for always reminding me about all the mistake that I've done to you. To Balqis, Dini and Syafiqah. Sorry. I know I treat you like shit, but truly, all I ever want is your attention. Sorry if I make you guys mad or upset. I'm truly sorry. I knw I'm not suppose to do that. Sorry, guys. Sorry. Please don't leave me cause I never want you guys to leave. I don't want you to guys to hate me. I'm sorry. Please stay, cause I've oath to myself that I'm gonna stay. 

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