A narcoleptic, insecure, sad, cold. Eza, 19.

Subway train, where I start to realize.

I'm searching for my glasses that falls down as all the people inside the subway train rush themselves out. Probably they were all rushing for the time. And then I feel this kind of strange feelings inside of me. I feel my hands were grab by a small hands. And then the hands that are holding mine passes me my glasses. I was really shock, but I couldn't say anything. I felt warm, and safe. As I put on my glasses, my eyes meet with this hazel brown pair of eyes. I examine her face. Her nose, her cheekbones, her lips and her hands. At that time, I feel an electric shock hit me. The girl, put her palm on my outer arm and help me up. I don't know how long does the time passes but I believe, at that moment, I feel the time tick tock slowly. The girl smile and;

"Awak okay?"

I don't even know what to say. I am so speechless. I don't know how to act, how to response, how to act cool like I used to. I don't even know what is wrong with me. I'm totally black out!

"Pintu train nak tutup. Jom!"

She grab my arms tight and quickly pull me in the train subway. I swallow my saliva. This time, I will act cool. There are no empty seats left so we both hold onto the handle. Just as I wanted to look up, she hand me a grey handkerchief. I look up on her giving the what-is-this-for face.

"Take this. Wipe your hands. I saw someone step on your hands. Tak sakit ke? Lucky its just a sandal. If high heels, I don't even know what would happen."

"Eh, its okay. It's nothing actually."

"Tak apa, ambil lah."

I take it and wipe my hands and palm. She smile and then we both look out the window, silently. I feel so comfortable. Even in a silence mood. Few minutes, the train stop but she still haven't depart yet. And so do I. But then the train starts to get so pack so we both squeeze ourself to let the people from outside to come in. As usual, Kuala Lumpur public transport will get this busy. As I was talking to myself I didn't realize that I was facing her. 

"Can you breath?" 

"Yes, a bit. Its okay, I'll get down on the next station."

Next station? Its my stop too. Is this kind of fate? I look down to look at her once more, and I got fluster as she was looking up at me, smiling. So I back off a little bit to gives her some space. I don't know what happen but as the train stops, all of us inside tremble and trip forward. Lucky me as I was still holding onto the handle. But something more lucky happen. She lands herself and hugs my body. 

"You okay?"

I asked as she looks a little bit shocked. She nods and stands still. 

"Thank you. And I am so sorry, I didn't mean to land on you. Its the train.."

"I know. Its not a big deal. Your stop right?"

She nods. Both of us walks out. I don't know if I am running late. But I feel like the time is slowing down. Really slow. Didn't I mention earlier?

"I'm Laila. You?"

"Haiqal."

I smile telling her my name. We walk together out from the building. I don't know why I am still here, beside her. Walking slowly. Just then, there's two different ways. I hesitate. Should I just walk and say bye or stop and say something? And I realize, she stops too. I look behind, she was standing in the middle of the two directions. No one bothers about her. No one crash onto her. So I walk back again. Facing her.

"Nice to meet you, Haiqal."

"Yeah, nice to meet you too... Laila. Oh, here's the handkerchief!"

"Its okay."

I narrow my eyebrows. 

"I think you have to wash it first before you give it back to me."

"Huh?"

"Keep it. The next time, you can give it back to me."

I starts to understands what is she saying. I look down and brush the back of my head. Feeling shy. 

"I've got to go. Jumpa lagi, esok."

"Macam mana dia tahu aku nak jumpa dia lagi? Macam mana dia tahu aku rasa pelik bila berdepan dengan dia. Pelik? Jap, pelik yang macam mana tu? Ah, and how can she be so sure yang kita berdua akan jumpa lagi? Apa yang aku rasa ni?"

I watch her walk passes through me. The scent behind of her figure starts to kick my nostrils. I could feel her long brown black hair slaps my arm softly. Again, she gives the same smile. The smile that sweep off my feet. The eyes that makes my heart thumps hard. The urbane of her makes my mind blown up away. What am I feeling now, dearself?

Written by: Eza Ezzati
Idea & Illustrated by: Eza Ezzati

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